First Line: Treasure Island!!!

 

The first line of Treasure Island!!! by Sara Levine is

In the aftermath of my adventure, I decided to write down the whole thing, starting with my discovery of Treasure Island and keeping nothing back, not even the names of the friends and family members whose problems plagued me; and so even though I’d love to go into the other room and stab someone with a kitchen knife, I take up my pen—a nifty micro-ball which had been incorrectly capped and would have dried out had I not, at the crucial moment, found it and restored its seal.

I first heard of this book when Emily Temple recommended it in one of her LitHub listicles. Here's what Temple said about Levine's book:

If you’d like to stay up all night alternating between laughter and groans (hey, I don’t know your life), this is the book for you. Its protagonist is a terrible person who decides to change her boring, wretched life by adhering to the values as extolled in the eponymous Robert Louis Stevenson novel. Yes, the one about pirates. Things do not go well. But at least they go.

Sounds intriguing, doesn't it?