First Line: Book of Numbers

The first line of Book of Numbers by Joshua Cohen is:

If you're reading this on a screen, fuck off. 

This book is a big (nearly six hundred pages) sprawling book -- as any book that exceeds 500 pages might be expected to be. Goodreads offers the following summary of the text:

The enigmatic billionaire founder of Tetration, the world’s most powerful tech company, hires a failed novelist, Josh Cohen, to ghostwrite his memoirs. The mogul, known as Principal, brings Josh behind the digital veil, tracing the rise of Tetration, which started in the earliest days of the Internet by revolutionizing the search engine before venturing into smartphones, computers, and the surveillance of American citizens. Principal takes Josh on a mind-bending world tour from Palo Alto to Dubai and beyond, initiating him into the secret pretext of the autobiography project and the life-or-death stakes that surround its publication.
 
Insider tech exposé, leaked memoir-in-progress, international thriller, family drama, sex comedy, and biblical allegory, Book of Numbers renders the full range of modern experience both online and off. Embodying the Internet in its language, it finds the humanity underlying the virtual.

If you are looking to start with Cohen and want something shorter to start with I would recommend you start with Moving Kings or the Pulitzer winner The Netanyahus. But, for the brave, Book of Numbers is waiting for you.